Stop seeking approval from others

Blog of the week


You are the ONE!

Why do we want our talents to be seen and recognised by others? Why do we seek other’s approval of our actions? Why do we seek confirmation of our worthiness by others? Isn’t it strange that we sometimes give away our power to people who are not worthy of this important task?

I remember being humiliated by an Officer on board one of my training ships a long time ago. He told me I was completely useless, a failure, a nobody. I should just quit College. I was crying in my cabin as a 21-year-old later that day feeling so low thinking it was all true. Thinking about it now the guy I had given the power to humiliate me had just have been overlooked by his boss for his long-expected promotion. So he was miserable for the same reason I was miserable, as he had allowed his employers the power to humiliate him, by seeking approval by those who couldn’t give him what he wanted. So, you see the circle is complete.

Most of us are seeking approval of others daily. We thrive in an environment where people notice us, share a kind word, praise us, and tell us what we want to hear. We like to hear we look good, get confirmation we did an excellent job. Our boss is so taken with us that we get a bonus and a raise this year.

In the evening we watch a Netflix movie about ‘The One’, about the life of an ordinary mediocre guy who was chosen to save the earth. Aren’t we all secretly waiting till someone knocks at our door asking to save the world?

But what if nobody is knocking, no boss is noticing you, you are not getting a raise, you are made redundant instead and friends have moved on to a different realm you no longer can afford to join and your partner tells you they no longer love you? We fall apart, don’t we? Our mental health is seriously challenged. We get depressed or so low that we refuse to partake in any social activities. What is this praise and approval of others that is so important to us? Who are these people we so depend on? Parents play an important role too. According to research we value approval from our our parents above all. But what about others, strangers, bosses, friends, colleagues?

Why not change your approval committee to just YOU? Tell yourself this: I love myself completely. I am talented, I deserve that job raise no matter what others are saying. I am good enough, I don’t care what others say behind my back about me, that is not my problem, I don’t care you don’t like my clothes or how I speak, or think that I am a failure. Because I know it’s not true. You are entitled to your opinion, and I appreciate your view, but I only rely on myself to feel good, and I stand up today telling myself I am worthy of being loved. Because you are. You are unique. Anybody who doesn’t agree let them speak now or forever hold their peace! You are the centre of the universe! Know it because it’s true. Don’t you ever give away your power to someone else who doesn’t deserve it. You are the ONE.

Approved Tineke ZoetIf you want to know more on what life coaching can do for you, your company, team or employees, send me an email

Who am I – I help professionals within the maritime industry to achieve their career goals by overcoming personal challenges and anxieties as to increase self-confidence and build positive relationships within the work environment. Let’s connect on LinkedIn.

Read more articles by Tineke Zoet.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button